Dare To Lead-Vulnerability

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." I Corinthians 12:9-10

This is the first in a series of insights from Brene Brown's DARE TO LEAD

This passage emphasizes that vulnerability can be where we encounter God's grace and power.

Most church leaders are not allowed to be vulnerable. Our culture insists on an air of confidence, no matter what. Put on an air of confidence, no matter what. Yet, Jesus teaches humility, community, and vulnerability as the marks of true maturity. In Dare to Lead, researcher Brené Brown argues that courageous leaders allow vulnerability in themselves and encourage it in others. Her research suggests it is essential to a thriving work culture. Through this series of blogs, we will explore four skills you must practice to lead courageously: 1) facing vulnerability, 2) choosing and practicing values, 3) building trust, and 4) developing resilience. Together, we will explore how using these skills effectively can help you learn to overcome difficult situations and encourage creativity and innovation.

FACING VULNERABILITY

Brown says, "Daring to lead is about being brave enough to embrace leadership that exposes fear and uncertainty." She is likely the first in modern history to embrace imperfection, shame, and vulnerability as a key to successful leadership. With her insightful wisdom, she has inspired millions of people.  

We'll briefly examine Brown's critique of contemporary leadership styles and why bravery needs to be reframed. By providing "courage-building skills," she introduces us to alternative, more gentle ways to show true bravery. According to Brown's research, mastering this bravery is the cornerstone of promoting creativity and innovation.

Toxic Work Culture

How do you feel when you make a mistake at work?

For many of us, failure is something we avoid at all costs because we think it paints us as incompetent. So, when we do something wrong at work, we tend to move towards self-protection. Brown is not the only voice encouraging vulnerability. Dan Coyle discusses group dynamics and chemistry in The Culture Code and invites us to reflect on our own workplace culture. He analyzes safety, security, sharing, and storytelling to show how groups can thrive or fail. A positive work environment is one where people feel safe, can be vulnerable, make mistakes, and have a shared vision.

Unfortunately, the dominant culture we've come to accept is based on the shame of failure, leading to poor decision-making and performance. When it comes to leadership, this can manifest as the need to appear dominant and not admit to failure or avoid hurting people's feelings by holding back important feedback.

The knee-jerk reaction to failure is often passing the buck or shifting blame. We can deflect and decoy if we draw attention to someone else's negligence. We might also avoid owning up to it or having difficult conversations, which means there needs to be more motivation to find workable solutions. Or, for those of us who want everything to be perfect, we may avoid taking risks because we're terrified of failure. None of these behaviors are proactive, and they create a toxic work culture where people walk on eggshells and feel like imposters at their jobs. To change unhealthy or problematic leadership, you must adopt vulnerability and bravery as core values. True courage isn't combative or aggressive; it's empathetic.

Vulnerability Is a Superpower

Being courageous and brave is all about showing vulnerability.

We're so misguided about leadership, and Brown's advice is to take the opposite view of the narrative we've been given about traditional leadership. She asserts that a true leader is the first person who owns up to vulnerability. Brown's research has shown that being brave and courageous can't happen without feeling vulnerable. In interviews with thousands of research participants about leadership, all admitted to feeling vulnerable while acting courageously.

Being vulnerable means opening ourselves up to other people's scrutiny or feeling as if we're putting ourselves at risk. Acting out of bravery means we'll always feel vulnerable because we're risking something, be it our safety or reputation. So, you can't have courage without vulnerability. So, how do we deal with anxieties and fears around vulnerability?

The first thing we need to do is stop thinking that vulnerability is a weakness. It's quite the opposite; weakness is ignoring your feelings and vulnerabilities. Secondly, vulnerability and trust are a series of negotiations rather than an existing agreement. You don't have to trust someone entirely to be vulnerable; being vulnerable doesn't immediately gain trust. Trust and vulnerability are exchanges we make, and building trust and exposing vulnerability are processes that happen over time. Finally, vulnerability doesn't mean you must disclose all the skeletons in your closet. On the contrary, vulnerability means creating boundaries and operating within an appropriate context.

Trade Polite Conversations For Honest Conversations

Having tough conversations is part of being a good leader. These conversations are always challenging, but owning up to vulnerability can make this process easier. Brown explains that kindness comes from clarity, and unkindness comes from withholding, avoiding, or tempering information. You have to say what you mean and avoid the temptation to be polite or sugarcoat things. Being honest doesn't mean being cruel or unkind, but it does mean being critical and identifying clear areas for improvement. Holding people accountable is unfair when they don't know what areas they're struggling with.

Another problem is that we often identify "easy" emotions as the ones we struggle with. We could claim to be "tired" or "stressed," which are frequently used as catch-all feelings encompassing a range of emotions. Understanding how the people around you are feeling is imperative to responding appropriately and implementing policies and changes that will help with overall well-being.

Dealing With the Ego

Stifling emotions and vulnerability don't foster a healthy work environment because it encourages the ego to step in. When operating in defensive environments, striving to protect our egos is a huge temptation.

How often have you avoided trying something because you're afraid you'll make a fool of yourself, not be good enough, or not live up to your expectations? Brown argues that our egos often influence us and make us nervous and anxious about our performance. Our search for perfection usually prevents us from trying because we're too scared of failing or making mistakes.

Leaders should foster a work culture where employees aren't afraid to try and fail. There are three ways to do this. The first is to avoid rewarding any defensive behavior. From a young age, we're often praised for not making mistakes and taught to avoid failure at all costs. We usually see people getting rewarded for so-called perfection, but this isn't healthy because no one learns from doing well all the time.

Moreover, we often must offer solutions or ideas before approaching criticism. It's crucial to view criticism and solutions as acts that happen simultaneously. Secondly, when people act defensively, it's essential to call them out on this behavior or recognize that your presentation of criticism is aimed more at the person than the idea. Clarifying the difference can bring defenses down. Open communication is one of the most imperative things for being a good leader, and we must be brave enough to stand up to defensive actions. Making suggestions for improvements and providing honest feedback is part and parcel of being a good leader. Finally, when dealing with ego, remember to recognize team members and employees who are improving. When other employees exhibit brave and vulnerable behavior, it should be pointed out as an excellent example.

There's No Shame in Shame

Shame is a genuine and compelling human emotion. It often comes with feelings of anxiety, guilt, and worthlessness. When we feel like we haven't achieved our goals or met expectations, we usually examine our self-worth and feel that we're not good enough. Brown takes a different approach to shame and argues that there are healthier ways of dealing with it. Being open about shame is a healthy and progressive way to deal with it. Again, the keyword is empathy. When we show support and empathize with those experiencing shame, we can move past these feelings and use them as a growth experience. Theologically, we affirm what acknowledging sin and the act of repentance (turning around) can do for human growth. For Brown, being a courageous and effective leader is about harnessing the power of empathy. "For all have sinned and fallen short..."

We all have bad days at work, and there are some days that we wish we could forget. It could be a botched presentation, an awkward meeting, or a big mistake. A good leader will recognize these experiences; they will make a connection and display empathy. Those we work with need to know that their leaders have their backs. Empathy is a way to encourage and give feedback and support.

The next blog will feature some of Blrown's insights into the importance of values in leadership.