Receiving And Giving Feedback

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish one’s growth without destroying one’s roots.”

-Frank A. Clark

What is the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: a,b,c,d,e,&f? Answer: feedback. It may be the shortest word, but feedback can have a transformative impact on our psyche, for good or ill. Most of us fear feedback will be a negative judgment of our personhood. Sometimes, feedback is given in a way that intends to decrease our value rather than increase it. However, we have power in the feedback loop.

No matter how feedback is given, we have power over how it is received. Instead of thinking about feedback as a judgment, we can accept it as information that WE can evaluate, accept, or reject. It is always helpful to be curious about ourselves, how we are perceived and how we can be more effective in various relationships.

My kids think I'm too much of a planner. After they first suggested a trip, it took three years to get to Busch Gardens. My colleagues at work think I'm too spontaneous, floating projects with deadlines that are too hard to fit into their schedules. Of course, both are right. I could have planned the Busch Gardens trip in less time and been more sensitive to the time others would need to contribute to a project I wanted to be done on a short deadline. These criticisms came with heat, and I felt like they attacked my worth. But when I stepped back from how I felt, I learned something about myself that helped me more effectively handle my kid's requests and my co-worker's cooperation.

Feedback, no matter how it is given, can be a valuable tool for growth because it encourages us to evaluate our behavior. Sometimes it will lead to a change in behavior. Sometimes, you will reject the feedback because you have determined it isn't valid. Always reflecting on feedback can help us grow more confident.

Finally, I know some of you think it isn't that easy when there is a power differential. Feedback from superiors is different from feedback from colleagues or reports. That is true. However, you still have power in the feedback loop. When receiving feedback from a superior, you can reflect on it, and if you consider the feedback wrong, you can ask to meet with them to consider the facts from your perspective. You can sit down to probe the difference more deeply if it is a colleague. Maybe you could agree to changes in your working relationship to make it more effective.

With a report, stay humble. Remember, you can always learn something from those whom you are supervising.

Feedback, whether you are giving it or receiving it, can have the power to transform for good or ill. If you are receiving it, evaluate it. If you are giving it, remember to do so with humility and intending to help another grow, not destroy them. It is time to do away with criticism meant to harm or bully someone into living in your image and working collaboratively, respectfully, and positively to be your best selves and bring your best work.