Why Pastors should think like coaches
In his influential piece “How Great Coaches Ask, Listen, and Empathize,” executive coach Ed Batista reframes leadership away from being the person who must have all the answers toward one who facilitates growth in others. Coaching is less about directing and more about enabling others to discover their best next steps.
For pastors, this coaching posture resonates deeply with ministry: rather than merely telling people what to do, we seek to draw out God-given insight, stir spiritual maturity, and foster wise discipleship. Coaching skills strengthen pastoral presence, deepen relationships, and invite congregants to actively participate in their own growth.
1. Ask: Create Space for Real Conversation
At the heart of coaching is asking open-ended questions — not to interrogate, but to invite reflection. Batista emphasizes starting with questions such as “Where would you like to start?” so that the other person’s agenda drives the conversation.
Pastoral application:
Replace directive leadership (“You should…” or “Here’s how…”) with explorative questions (“What is God showing you in this season?” “How has this challenge affected your faith journey?”).
Questions rooted in curiosity help parishioners articulate struggles, hopes, and spiritual insights that might remain hidden in simple status updates.
Open questions foster ownership of faith and vision rather than dependence on clergy for solutions.
Scripture example: Like Jesus asking the disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” (Matthew 16:15), good questions help people name their belief and move toward deeper commitment.
2. Listen: Hear With the Whole Self
Batista carefully distinguishes hearing (a passive, internal process) from listening, an attentive, relational act in which the other person feels truly heard.
Pastoral application:
Practice active listening with parishioners, especially when they share struggles. That means eye contact, presence, and minimizing internal agenda.
Let people finish their story before you respond. Make them feel known — not just understood — in the moment.
Pastoral listening is a ministry that conveys worth and value and reflects Christ’s attentive care (Luke 24:15-18).
Insight: Strong listening builds trust — a foundation for discipleship, spiritual risk-taking, and congregational health.
3. Empathize: Feel Into the Other’s Experience
Batista defines empathy as understanding someone’s viewpoint AND vicariously experiencing their emotions. Empathy is not weakness; it’s the relational glue that makes coaching possible.
Pastoral application:
Enter into others’ joys and griefs with compassionate curiosity (“How has that been for you emotionally?”).
Empathy signals that you’re with people, not above them — just as Jesus wept with those who wept (John 11:35).
Empathy doesn’t mean abandoning truth or high standards; it means offering presence first, then guiding toward growth.
Coaching Is Not Distance — It’s Connection
Batista’s message reminds leaders that authority doesn’t come from having all the answers but from co-journeying with others as they discern their path forward. For pastors, this resonates with how spiritual formation works: it’s not about fixing people, but about helping them discover how God is at work in their lives.
When you ask, listen, and empathize:
People feel safe to open up.
Their own insight and faith are mobilized.
Congregations grow in maturity, resilience, and participation, not merely in compliance.
Practical Steps for Pastors
1. Ask open questions
“What is God teaching you in this?”
“How do you feel about what happened?”
“What do you sense your next step might be?”
2. Listen with presence
Reduce distractions
Reflect back what you heard (“It sounds like…”)
Resist the urge to rush to solutions
3. Empathize authentically
Acknowledge emotions
Sit with people in their situation
Offer spiritual encouragement before instruction
A Coaching Posture in Ministry
Ultimately, coaching complements discipleship and pastoral care. It helps leaders cultivate spiritual agency in others, build trusting relationships, and foster a culture of growth rather than dependence
By learning to ask, listen, and empathize well, pastors can guide their congregations toward healthier, more resilient, and more vibrant spiritual communities — not by telling people what to do, but by helping them discover what God is inviting them into.
